I did not receive any feedback from the previous pitch, as it did not post due to technical difficulties. Therefore, I am currently posting the same pitch I recorded a couple weeks ago. Based on the feedback I have received in response to the other assignments related to the same concept, I believe this elevator pitch is reflective of what I would like to express at this time.
Monday, June 20, 2016
Elevator Pitch No. 2
Pitch
I did not receive any feedback from the previous pitch, as it did not post due to technical difficulties. Therefore, I am currently posting the same pitch I recorded a couple weeks ago. Based on the feedback I have received in response to the other assignments related to the same concept, I believe this elevator pitch is reflective of what I would like to express at this time.
I did not receive any feedback from the previous pitch, as it did not post due to technical difficulties. Therefore, I am currently posting the same pitch I recorded a couple weeks ago. Based on the feedback I have received in response to the other assignments related to the same concept, I believe this elevator pitch is reflective of what I would like to express at this time.
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I do like that you pitch is dynamic the only thing is the wind blowing kind of took away from your speech. I also like that you have sufficient details to drive home the benefits of having these rooms in the Orlando airport. Some parts seemed like you weren't sure where to take it next but you pulled it together.
ReplyDeleteI think the pitch could be immediately improved by moving indoors as the pitch starts with a lot of the wind sounds that drown you out. I would also take off the sunglasses and try to switch to possibly a blazer so the pitch seems more formal. Also try to make it a bit less rehearsed as the ending is noticeable where you made stops. I like the idea and you made great points!
ReplyDeleteOther people’s pitches also had problems posting so I understand, but you should’ve considered going inside for your pitch as the sound of the wind was really distracting and made it hard to understand at time. I wish you had chosen a more formal attire and done the speech without sunglasses.
ReplyDeleteOverall however it was a great effort and you had good ideas.
Great first pitch! It was a great idea to use some simple facts to back up your idea. I do however have a couple critiques. First, the background noise and the wind are both picked up by the microphone which made it kind of hard to focus on what you were saying. Second, the background looked pretty, but also is distracting when the point of the pitch is to focus on you and what you're saying. Overall, your pitch was strong, maybe just put a little more thought into your filming location. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Amira,
ReplyDeleteWhat an beautiful location you chose! It is too bad the wind and street traffic would not stop. I am curious though, if your recommendation was to have airport rooms that could be rented by the hour, at anytime of the day, why did you not shoot this in a room or outside of a room? Seems more fitting I think. The others already mentioned everything else I was going to hit on. The sunglasses, clothing and sitting makes the pitch very impersonal. The idea you have is great! I would love to see this idea come to be!
Amira! Your location is beautiful! I agree with most of the above comments. However, I have really enjoyed watching your idea grow. I still believe you have a great business opportunity for these napping pods. I think your attire was a fine choice for this casual pitch and you have plenty of knowledge about your idea. Nice pitch!
ReplyDelete